Intention, Loving Kindness, Mind, Practice, Soul
Vulnerability – the Emotional Vampire
I have been feeling extremely vulnerable lately. Adjusting to the unforeseen change in my plans has not been easy – and I knew it wouldn’t be. What I didn’t realize was that in order to get my life settled once again, I would be putting myself in a place of extreme vulnerability. In order to meet basic needs – work, housing, food, community – I must be vulnerable. Making new connections, asking for help, applying for jobs… all come at the risk of judgement and rejection. I am learning that vulnerability is an emotional vampire. When I choose to make myself vulnerable, I am choosing to surrender most of my emotional energy and intelligence to those moments of vulnerability. So, in reaching out to new people in an attempt to make the connections that will help me feel settled in this chapter of my life, I am surrendering much of what I usually have in store to give to others. I have seen the effects of this in my personal relationships. After a day (or many days) of making new connections through emails, phone calls, and meetings, I am tired, disinterested, irritable, and I just don’t have a lot left to give to the people I love. I need their support more than ever, and I’m too exhausted to keep open myself to it. I’ve noticed this becoming a problem. Now what do I do about it? How do I budget my vulnerability? I will start by being more conscious of it. Limit the amount of time and energy I give to putting myself out there each day. Increase the amount of time and energy I give to myself each day. And – fingers crossed – in doing so, I will have more love and openness to share with those that matter most to me. Give less of myself, in order to give more of myself. I love Danielle LaPorte, and am a big fan of her #truthbomb cards. They’re kind of like Tarot cards, but way easier to understand. Still, there is room for interpretation. Yesterday I pulled the card “Do the fucking work.” How fitting. I’m struggling to settle in, feeling vulnerable, exposed, and like all my own stuff is coming to the surface of my relationships. All the stuff that it is my work to sort through. Do the work. The work. The work doesn’t mean “work” insofar as an exchange of time and effort for money. The work is precisely what you don’t want to do. The work is exactly what you need to do, for the sake of your very core Being. The work is growth. The work is hard. The work means moments of intense pain in exchange for extreme freedom. Do. The. Fucking. Work. Do the work, Jenna. Be your BestSelf. That’s why you’re here, right? Intention is everything. I intend to do the work. Here’s to facing vulnerability and not shutting down emotionally. It will all be settled soon. If vulnerability is a vampire, what do you think its garlic is? Maybe I’ll stock up on some of that, too. (photo credit: Danielle LaPorte)
2 Comments
brad jones
that’s an interesting take on vulnerability which I hadn’t considered.
My thought is, one must allow oneself to be vulnerable in order to love and be loved. This is another great, provocative piece. Thank you, once again. If I can support you in any way, please do let me know. i know you’re the only one who can do your fucking work– from personal experience. The result is nothing short of spectacular!
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