Honesty, Intention, Practice
Processing: When is the Right Time to Advocate for Others?
As I sit down to write this, I wonder how to even begin. I wonder if I even should begin, since I am still feeling a lot of anger. I am not feeling love. I am feeling confused, frustrated, and conflicted. With the help of powerful teachers and a strong community, over the past few years it has become very evident to me that part of my role in this life is two-fold: 1) To be an advocate for those who aren’t always seen or heard, when it is appropriate, necessary, and wanted. (To clarify, here I am referring specifically to peer advocacy – taking action to represent the rights and interests of someone other than myself). 2) And when it isn’t an appropriate time to advocate for others, for one of many possible reasons… To be compassionate towards all people/beings/things, and to acknowledge the diversity of those whom I share this life with. This is still new for me, and it is something I am learning to express effectively, so bear with me. Right now I am struggling with the difference between the two folds of this role. When should I, and when I shouldn’t I, take a stand for others? When should I back down? Is it always going to feel right when I do take a stand? Conflict is an ever-present element in advocacy. I, like many others, do not like conflict. Conflict doesn’t make me feel good, but it is sometimes necessary. What spurred this reflection? Facebook. Ugh. An argument on Facebook that I instigated in response to an insensitive post by someone not very close to me, but still connected to me. I wasn’t looking for a fight – at least not consciously. To instigate, I simply asked what I thought to be a provocative question, one that might at least cause the person to consider compassion as an option. And, like most Facebook arguments, it got way out of hand from there. While the details of the arguments made on each side aren’t relevant here (although they are still infuriating to me), I do think it is important to note the topic of the conversation: The use of public bathrooms by individuals who identify as transgender. I identify as queer, in that I feel that my gender and sexuality lie outside of the norms set by our society… But, I at this point in my life I do not think of myself as transgender. So as soon as this argument blew up, my first question was: “Was this an appropriate time for me to advocate for this group of people?” Well, maybe not. I mean, no one asked me to stand up for them in that moment. No one asked for my voice. I was triggered by the insensitivity I saw nonetheless, and I felt moved to say something. To me, this looked like an argument about fear and love. So maybe it was an appropriate time? I am still unsure. This argument, which had a lifespan of over two weeks, ended with me stepping down. It was clear that I was not going to make any headway or change this person’s opinion in the slightest. So I unfollowed the post, and removed the person’s posts from my newsfeed. If we couldn’t agree to disagree, I figured that was amicable enough. I was wrong… this individual continued to send me unsolicited information regarding their position, and each message sent contained increasingly hateful language, so I blocked them completely. Should I have said anything in the first place? Should I have backed down once I did? Why am I still so angry? I am mostly writing this in the hopes to release some of that anger, but I welcome any productive conversation surrounding the questions I am left with.
1 Comment
BRAD JONES
jennna advocacy is esxential. I posted a video yesterday taken in a crowded subway showing a woman berating a trans person. no one spoke up or in any way intervened. That astonished me no end.
I believe the forum you chose was the proboem here. FFB [fucking facebook] is full of hate mongers and this is a hot topic with people not understanding anything. Ignorance=faar=hate in most cases I believe. It is easy for someone hiding behind a computer screen to escalate in that setting.
None of those haters on this topic understand that pervs have been able to enter a bathroom before transgendering became a topic of discussion. You surely know that NC and what is it, MS have enacted laws which I am sure violate equal protection of civil rights. So this fear goes very deep.
the question I have for you is this: what is the source of your anger? is it because this person won’t listen to what you consider “reason?” That they don’t get the logic? Or is it that your advocacy failed in this instance?
I think fear/ignorance runs deep in dare I say, all of us on some level, even if not consciously. And yes believe that the title of your blog iz the way to “cure” no eradicate is a better word, fear.
For so many in the world, that concept is as foreign as speaking mandarin for someone who barely can manage english as their sole language. Not everyone is going to “get it” no matter how well reasoned the counter argument is.
‘this is a learning experience for you, no doubt.
It’s simply a forum in which educating those who resist it is impossible. I believe that if you were to talk to this person face-to-face you would make no more headway that you did on ffb.
I would love to talk with you on the phone about this. Not going to give my phone number here. ask me for it in a pm on ffb if you’re interested.