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Honesty, Loving Kindness, Practice, Yoga

An Open Letter to My Yoga Students: What I Will Never Do

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June 6, 2017

- Honesty, Loving Kindness, Practice, Yoga

Photo by Joe Longo Photography at Yoga Home

  Dear yoga students, I promise I will never take photos or videos of you in savasana. I will never take or post any photos of your practice without your consent. I will never touch you without your consent. I will never comment on your shape or size. I will never sexualize the cues that I give to you. I will never scold or judge the way that you choose to exist on your mat, physically, emotionally, mentally… and I will never tell you that you aren’t allowed to leave the practice. I will never force you to do anything. I will never be upset with you for taking another teacher’s class or developing your own home practice. I will never fail to remind you that you are your own best teacher. And if I mess up and I do one of these things, which I will from time to time – because heaven knows, I am human – I will own up to it and apologize. I promise to never do anything to make you feel unsafe during your practice in the ways others have made me feel unsafe during mine. And, if I do make you feel unsafe in any way, please tell me, because I will always be receptive to that feedback. Now, how can I make you feel more empowered? In gratitude, Jenna
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Healing, Honesty, Practice

On being silenced… and then silencing mySelf

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April 20, 2017

- Healing, Honesty, Practice

Image and poem by Rupi Kaur.

I haven’t shared any of my writing in months. Not on this blog, not even privately with my friends. The past several months have been a period of serious transition for me. Catalyzed by the end of a meaningful romantic partnership, in the past four months I have moved, and I have begun following my heart down the path of birth work as a doula. I have also *gulp* began dating again. Through all of this exciting and positive change – through which I have accessed some serious self-empowerment – I have so much to process and share, and yet I have been silent. Why? I guess I didn’t want to admit that these changes were a result of a break up. That the end of my relationship had such an impact on my productivity. And, since I am still close to my former partner, I didn’t want him to be upset by any of the topics I might write about. I know, I know… When I expressed the above reasons to him last week, he was rightfully upset. “You have been silenced and your creative power has been stifled by almost every partner you have had, I don’t want to do the same,” he said, and encouraged me to write about whatever I damn like. Leave it to this special man, who I consider one of my gurus, to hit me with some seriously honest perspective. I hadn’t even considered that through all of the change I was experiencing, I was falling into the old habit of being silenced. Only this time, I couldn’t blame a partner, or a family member, or a teacher, or society at large for silencing me… I only had myself to blame. Why had I allowed myself to be silent? To suffer without sharing? Fear. It is always fear. This post is simply to say I will be exercising my voice through writing more regularly again. To say, hey, this part of me is still here. I won’t let fear hold me back from doing what I love most – sharing and connecting to others through honesty and written word.
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BestSelf, Intention, Practice

Privileged, Present, and Pissed

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January 27, 2017

- BestSelf, Intention, Practice

Remember this date: January 21st, 2017 – When an estimated 3.5-4.5 MILLION people showed up in 550 US cities and towns, and more than 100 towns overseas to participate in the Women’s March (source: The Atlantic, although numbers are still being reported and evaluated). Now, because it is an exceedingly difficult task to gather sound data on such a widespread event, from here on I will only be able to speak to my personal experience. I marched on 1/21/17 in Philadelphia alongside my family and friends. The experience was overwhelmingly positive. People were angry, they were vocal, but they were peaceful and pleasant. The majority of those I saw participating in Philadelphia were white women. From other accounts, this trend seemed to be the same across the board. It was a matter of hours before criticisms of the Women’s March were popping up online. Demographics. Imagery. Intention. Attitude. All are worth considering critically. Why were there so few people of color? Was the planning phase of the march exclusive and/or inaccessible? Why were there so few Transgender and gender non-conforming people? Was the use of female anatomical imagery exclusive? How much of a role did the hive-mind of social media play in the impressive attendance? Did those in attendance really think about what they were showing up to do? Of course, the sheer attendance itself left an impression, and if that impression is powerful enough to enact positive change… well, I’m tempted to say who cares what anyone’s intentions were?! Except… big except. This cannot be a one-off thing. We need change – real change – and its only increasing in demand with each day of the Trump Presidency. Protest and civil disobedience are the most public and visually powerful ways to express this need for change. But, the greatest amount of pressure isn’t on the (anecdotal) majority of those who attended the Women’s March. White women will certainly be impacted by Trump’s policies, actions, and hateful words, but our whiteness will always carry privilege in Trump’s America. For those that participated in the Women’s March because it was #trending, it will be all too easy to return to the day-to-day and not think about the state of current events again until the next #bigthing that floods their Facebook feed. They showed up at the Women’s March because it felt safe. Everyone else was doing it. I want to clarify that if you fall into this category, my intention is not to shame you. My intention is to call you back into action. You did an amazing thing by showing up on 1/21/17, now keep your momentum up!  I know, I know… it’s exhausting. With no condescension, I know how exhausting it is. But you are in a position to do some real good, simply because you were privileged enough to be born white. So for the sake of playing devil’s advocate, why wouldn’t a white woman (such as myself) want to show up at, say, the next Black Lives Matter protest even though they support the movement? A threatened sense of safety. Right? It must be. We Society convinces ourselves us that it’s those kinds of protests that get violent. At those protests there are arrests and tear gas and anger. It’s far less civilized then then sea of pink pussy hats at the Women’s March. We want to support BLM, but our parents would be worried if we attended a Black Lives Matter protest, wouldn’t they? There is obviously a misconception here. You can’t make a sweeping statement that all events associated with a particular interest group get violent. You might be able to look at the probability of violence at one event versus another – but if you do, you have to consider the “why.” Could it be that Black Lives Matter/Socialist/Pride/etc. protests get violent because of the socially-constructed relationship between those in attendance and law enforcement/local politicians/people in power? Could it be that simply by showing up as a white woman, and being there as an ally, the chances of violence will actually decrease? That law enforcement is less likely to be activated by a mixed-race, mixed-gender, mixed-class congregation? To be perfectly blunt, could it be that as a young white American-born person, presenting as female, from an upper-middle class background, I am less likely to be shot by a police officer than my black male friend? Shouldn’t I stand at the front line and use that privilege to keep things from getting violent? (I am speaking to white men here, too, FYI). I understand that not everyone is comfortable with social activism, even if they are in alignment with a cause. If ever there was a time to put yourself in that uncomfortable place, it’s now. I understand that fear is all too real right here and now. There are ways to get involved that don’t put your physical being in immediate risk. Number one – Stay present to what is going on; educate yourself. And not just through the articles that pop up on your social media feeds. Number two – talk to people. And not just people who look and think like you do. Then, you choose. Take action in a way that works for you. Challenge your comfort level, though. Pick up the phone and call local representatives. Run for local office. Attend community meetings. Donate to an organization doing work you believe in, whether you donate time or money. Put yourself out there. Put yourself out there for the Love of those who are not so privileged. Get angry. Feel all the feels. Let the Fear overwhelm you. Then, take care of yourself (eat well, sleep lots, go to therapy, practice yoga, journal, and so on… this is a marathon, not a sprint) so that you can detach from that Fear and show up as your BestSelf for the Love of humanity. 
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BestSelf, Healing, Intention, Loving Kindness, Practice, Yoga

Consent and Hands-On Adjustments in the Yoga Classroom

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August 3, 2016

- BestSelf, Healing, Intention, Loving Kindness, Practice, Yoga

“Throughout class I will offer hands-on adjustments, if you are open to receiving adjustments during your practice, [turn your palms to the ceiling] now, and if you prefer not to be touched, stay as you are.” I say the above, or something similar, towards the beginning of any yoga class I teach during which I intend to give students physical adjustments. To me, this doesn’t seem revolutionary. More and more, yoga instructors are being taught or coming to realize that it is important to ask permission before touching their students. Not everyone wants to be touched every day, and there is an enormous list of possibilities as to why that might be – injury, trauma, bad mood, distractions. I am not going to address those possibilities in any detail here, instead I will discuss consent. I have been asking my students’ permission before giving adjustments for about a year, but recently I have shifted to using the consent-based language above. Why? Thanks to a workshop with Gwen Soffer (Enso Yoga) and Melissa Lucchesi (Voices Inc.) my eyes were opened to the distinction of consent (see resources at the bottom of this post for more information). Consent is empowering. Consent allows you to say, “yes,” as emphatically as you want, so that you don’t have to say, “no,” with any emphasis (or panic). In a culture that is hyper-sensitive to political correctness, we have somehow neglected the importance of consent.  The baseline assumption when you request anything of another person, should be that the answer will be “no.” I don’t say that to sound negative, I say that because unless they consent, unless they choose to answer “yes,” then you shouldn’t expect your request to be granted. In the US you are innocent until proven guilty, well, in this life your requests are denied until they are granted. When you are acting in relation to others – you need to ask – you can’t just act presumptuously. I mean… you can, but if you do, you’re probably being a privileged asshole. That being said, just because you ask for something doesn’t mean you will receive it. The baseline assumption when another person requests something of you, should NOT be that you are obligated to find a way to say “yes.” Saying “yes” doesn’t make you a better person, more generous, or cooler. Saying “yes” when you don’t want to is not only exhausting, but also, by saying “yes” when you don’t want to, you are surrendering your personal power. We tend to fall victim to social obligation, rather than practicing our right to consent. I truly believe there is no personal freedom greater than the power to give consent. So, back to the yoga classroom… Here are some of my thoughts about consent, lack thereof, and hands-on adjustments in class, based on my own personal experience as a student and a teacher. If a teacher asks permission before giving physical assists in any way, even without using consent-based language, I believe that is better than not asking at all. For example, I used to say, “Throughout class I will offer hands-on adjustments, if you prefer not to be touched [turn your palms to the ceiling] now.” This is almost the same as how I ask now, but it requires that those who do not want to be touched take action to opt out. This is not the same as giving consent. This assumes that everyone wants to be touched, except for those that don’t. It also puts those who are opting out in a potentially uncomfortable position. Similarly, I have also heard teachers mention at the start of class, “I will be giving assists during class, if anything feels uncomfortable, you are welcome to say no thank you.” Social obligation may drive students to accept unwanted assists, or to feel guilty about taking action to say “no.” It’s like walking around a party with a tray of hors d’oeuvres and handing them out to everyone instead of letting people choose to take one for themselves. All the party-goers take on that distinctly awkward body language as a deviled egg is shoved into their hand and they mumble, “oh, okay, thanks,” and then turn to their friend and say, “I really don’t want this,” and end up leaving it hidden in the foliage of the nearest houseplant. If a teacher only asks permission while in the process of giving an assist, I still believe that is better than not asking at all… but barely. The instructor’s hands are on the student and then they say, “does this feel okay?” In some cases, a student will reply “no,” but more often than not they just nod their head in agreement. I have to wonder how many students have grimaced through a painful or downright bad assist out of social obligation and a desire to placate their instructor.  Finally, there are teachers who do not ask permission at all to give hands-on assists. Some of these instructors are my friends, and some are my teachers. I still choose to take many of their classes, but I am practiced in letting go of social obligation, setting my own boundaries, and saying “no,” and that is not the case with most students. Some of the reasons I have heard to justify giving hands-on assists without asking permission include:
  1. Two fold…
    1. “If a student comes to my class, they know they will be adjusted.” What about new students? What about students you know but have a new injury, or are in a bad mood, or just want their freakin’ space today? I can tell you from my own experience that there are certain teachers that I know will adjust me if I am in class, and when I am having a day that I don’t want to be touched, I don’t go to their class.
    2. “If they don’t want to be adjusted, they can just go to a different class.” Sigh. Well, shit.
  2. “I can just sense whether someone wants to be touched or not. I can sense their energy.” Even the most wonderful, in tune, energetically aware instructors have been blinded by their own ego and presumptions and given me assists that were unwanted. That is, before I learned to say “no.” Please please please, instructors, keep your ego in check on this one.
  3. “I’ve been teaching for so long, I’m not going to change the way I do things now.” Well that’s just a stupid excuse. The yoga practice is one of self-awareness and personal growth. If you have decided that you will continue to not ask permission before giving adjustments, fine, but at least come up with a justifiable reason.
I ask my instructor friends to join me in questioning why we approach adjustments in the way that we do. Is it our place to give hands-on assists? Should we ask for permission, and if so, how/when? What is the real purpose behind each and every assist? When might we be causing more harm than good? How much of how we view assists is our own stuff/ego? What might we be putting on our students? How can we best serve every student who walks into our classes? Historically, this conversation has gotten pretty heated. It is difficult to consider that we might be harming our students or making them uncomfortable when we have the best of intentions. Just try to take the time to reflect on consent-based physical assists. Whether or not it resonates with you as a teacher or practitioner, I believe that we owe it to our students. The teacher-student dynamic inherently has a power hierarchy, and as teachers, we need to take every precaution not to strip our students of their personal power. Consent is a personal freedom. Let’s give it back to our students.
Click the Links Below for More Resources: Affirmative Consent Arrives in Yoga Studios Permission Stones Trauma Informed Lens – Gwen Soffer and Melissa Lucchesi      
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Review of Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

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July 21, 2016

- Honesty, Mind, Miscellaneous, Practice

I am going to come right out and say it… I did not read Eat Pray Love. I can’t tell you why exactly, but something about Elizabeth Gilbert’s popular book, its movie adaptation, and the hype around it all really rubbed me the wrong way. I do eat, pray, and love. I also read books, but I couldn’t get myself to pick that one up. I don’t know if it was the colorful cover (it probably was), or the key word “fear” in the subtitle, but something caused me to buy her new book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. I bought the hardcover, in fact. As soon as I started to read it, I was struck by the self-deprecating thought, “Shit. Elizabeth Gilbert is writing about fear much more articulately than I ever will. I should probably stop writing all together.” I was also struck by the thought, “Shit. I was supposed to write this book, not her! It should have been me!” Funny, not just because both of these lines of thinking are absurd, but also because, fast-forward a few page turns, and Gilbert spoke directly to those thoughts. Damn. “Okay, I guess I will keep reading then,” I told myself. …And then I proceeded to put the book down for two months, with a mark at page 91. Perhaps not so coincidentally, I also didn’t publish any of my own writing in those two months. I guess I should say thank you, Elizabeth Gilbert, for the massive blow to my ego. You broke me down, but when I picked up the book again this week, you managed to build me back up. I know no one can see me, so I want you to know that I am shaking my fist aggressively and looking skyward, thinking to myself, “damn this league of female truth-teller/self-help-y writers which I have found myself a part of!” In order to set a framework for her book on creative living and fear, Gilbert makes a valiant attempt to convince all readers that they are creative, whether or not they are an artist by trade. This is something I too believe, so I didn’t take too much convincing, and I have to wonder if anyone who selects this book for themselves would take much convincing. Still, she does so beautifully:
So this, I believe, is the central question upon which all creative living hinges: Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you? … The hunt to uncover those jewels – that’s creative living. The courage to go on that hunt in the first place – that’s what separates a mundane existence from a more enchanted one.
What struck me the most about this book was Gilbert’s description of the relationship between creativity and fear. Because I consider myself a creative, and my partner considers himself one as well, we often find ourselves revisiting the same ideas as we discuss art. The idea that good art comes from dark places/human lives are complicated and art should be a reflection of that/you need to make yourself so, so, so vulnerable as an artist. Rarely, though do we directly discuss the relationship between fear and creativity, which is a little bit funny to me, considering my obsession with fear. Gilbert describes clearly the difference between bravery and fearlessness, “Bravery means doing something scary. Fearlessness means not even understanding what the word scary means.” The proverbial ‘they’ say that people who take (physical) risks typically only get hurt in one of two cases: 1) they are so scared that they are paralyzed by fear, or 2) they are so fearless that they forget to consider risk. Both are irrational states of being. So, we need the middle ground – bravery – in order to intelligently take risks. Fear is necessary in order to create. “In fact,” Gilbert says, “it seems to me that my fear and my creativity are basically conjoined twins – as evidenced by the fact that creativity cannot take a single step forward without fear marching right alongside it.” When embarking on a creative endeavor, Elizabeth Gilbert speaks to her fear:
Dearest Fear: Creativity and I are about to go on a road trip together. I understand you’ll be joining us, because you always do. I acknowledge that you believe you have an important job to do in my life, and that you take your job seriously. Apparently your job is to induce complete panic whenever I am about to do something interesting – and, may I say, you are superb at your job. So by all means, keep doing your job, if you feel you must. But I will also be doing my job on this road trip, which is to work hard and stay focused. And Creativity will be doing its job, which is to remain stimulating and inspiring. There’s plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but understand this: Creativity and I are the only ones who will be making and decisions along the way. I recognize and respect that you are part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still – your suggestions will never be followed. You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote. You’re not allowed to touch the roadmaps; you’re not allowed to suggest detours; you’re not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you’re not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive.
I absolutely love this analogy, and will add it to my toolbox for living Love Over Fear. I highly recommend reading Big Magic, and would love to discuss with anyone who has. Who knows, maybe I’ll even pick up a copy of Eat Pray Love now… just maybe.    
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Processing: When is the Right Time to Advocate for Others?

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April 29, 2016

- Honesty, Intention, Practice

As I sit down to write this, I wonder how to even begin. I wonder if I even should begin, since I am still feeling a lot of anger. I am not feeling love. I am feeling confused, frustrated, and conflicted. With the help of powerful teachers and a strong community, over the past few years it has become very evident to me that part of my role in this life is two-fold: 1) To be an advocate for those who aren’t always seen or heard, when it is appropriate, necessary, and wanted. (To clarify, here I am referring specifically to peer advocacy – taking action to represent the rights and interests of someone other than myself). 2) And when it isn’t an appropriate time to advocate for others, for one of many possible reasons… To be compassionate towards all people/beings/things, and to acknowledge the diversity of those whom I share this life with. This is still new for me, and it is something I am learning to express effectively, so bear with me. Right now I am struggling with the difference between the two folds of this role. When should I, and when I shouldn’t I, take a stand for others? When should I back down? Is it always going to feel right when I do take a stand? Conflict is an ever-present element in advocacy. I, like many others, do not like conflict. Conflict doesn’t make me feel good, but it is sometimes necessary. What spurred this reflection? Facebook. Ugh. An argument on Facebook that I instigated in response to an insensitive post by someone not very close to me, but still connected to me. I wasn’t looking for a fight – at least not consciously. To instigate, I simply asked what I thought to be a provocative question, one that might at least cause the person to consider compassion as an option. And, like most Facebook arguments, it got way out of hand from there. While the details of the arguments made on each side aren’t relevant here (although they are still infuriating to me), I do think it is important to note the topic of the conversation: The use of public bathrooms by individuals who identify as transgender. I identify as queer, in that I feel that my gender and sexuality lie outside of the norms set by our society… But, I at this point in my life I do not think of myself as transgender. So as soon as this argument blew up, my first question was: “Was this an appropriate time for me to advocate for this group of people?” Well, maybe not. I mean, no one asked me to stand up for them in that moment. No one asked for my voice. I was triggered by the insensitivity I saw nonetheless, and I felt moved to say something. To me, this looked like an argument about fear and love. So maybe it was an appropriate time? I am still unsure. This argument, which had a lifespan of over two weeks, ended with me stepping down. It was clear that I was not going to make any headway or change this person’s opinion in the slightest. So I unfollowed the post, and removed the person’s posts from my newsfeed. If we couldn’t agree to disagree, I figured that was amicable enough. I was wrong… this individual continued to send me unsolicited information regarding their position, and each message sent contained increasingly hateful language, so I blocked them completely. Should I have said anything in the first place? Should I have backed down once I did? Why am I still so angry? I am mostly writing this in the hopes to release some of that anger, but I welcome any productive conversation surrounding the questions I am left with.
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Thinking about trying Yoga? Show Up.

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April 5, 2016

- BestSelf, Honesty, Practice, Yoga

As a yoga teacher, people reach out to me on a daily basis to mention they are curious about yoga, or to ask how to begin a practice, or which studios and teachers to try, etc. Which is AWESOME!! It seems that more and more people are interested in yoga each day, which fills my heart. The most difficult, exciting, and exhilarating chapter of a yoga Practice is the beginning. But… No one can convince you to try yoga unless you already want to, not even me. I have to constantly remind myself that it isn’t because so-and-so doesn’t care about or support me that they don’t try – or, try and then dedicate themselves to – yoga. The practice of yoga finds us each at the right time (or it re-finds us and sticks the second/third/fourth time). At the start, you will most likely be the only person holding yourself accountable for showing up to your mat. And to be successful, you need to know why you are showing up. This is what I ask those who reach out to me… Why do you want to try yoga? Answers might include (in no particular order):
  • mitigate chronic pain
  • exercise within the limits of an injury
  • gain flexibility
  • gain strength
  • learn the poses
  • learn to breathe
  • learn to meditate
  • improve sleep
  • improve posture
  • alleviate depression/anxiety/mental dis-ease
  • feel empowered
  • cultivate self-love
  • de-stress/calm/center
  • cultivate compassion/patience for others
  • gain community
  • make time for Self
  • heal
Or any combination of the above… All of that’s great, there is no wrong answer! Yoga can help with that! That desire is the first step, and an important one to acknowledge… But, I hate to break it to you – yoga is not a quick fix. There are no quick fixes in life anyway, not really. I’ll say it again: Yoga is not a quick fix. Time for some tough love… If you want to ______________ by practicing yoga, you have to Show Up every* day. Every fucking day. Especially the days that hurt; the days when you cry because you don’t want to Show Up. The days when you think, “no one but me will know that I didn’t go,” are the days you need to hold yourself accountable the most. If you were hoping for a quick fix, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but don’t be discouraged. Do the best you can. Show up *every day that you can, and show up as your BestSelf. It’s not going to be easy, but soon (maybe this month, season, or year) you will forget about whatever it is you came to “fix” in the first place, I promise. Some people feel a special spark, a pull, you could even say they feel magic, when they take their first yoga class. If that is your experience, then you are more likely to Show Up again… But if it isn’t, you have to have Faith. The first time I stepped onto my mat there was no magic… It was when it became a habit – a Practice – that I was transformed. Don’t be afraid to Show Up. Reach out to a teacher you know, or a nearby studio about offerings for beginners. Ask me! Ask anyone willing to help you find what is best for you! Ask for what you need! Just ask. You will be supported. There is a whole amazing community out there waiting to meet you at the edge of your comfort zone. There might even be a whole amazing and totally unknown piece of yourBestSelf waiting to meet you, too. The only piece of etiquette you need to know before your first yoga class: Show Up & Keep Showing Up.
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Reframing: Street Harassment & Healing

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March 23, 2016

- Body, Healing, Honesty, Loving Kindness, Practice

It is a beautiful day in Philadelphia, and I decided to walk the mile-and-a-half home from the regional rail station through North Philly, instead of taking the subway. I had every intention of using the time to mentally prepare to get home and edit writing I had already done so that I could share it, and instead, I was inspired to consider and write about something new. I don’t have a car. And I’m afraid to bike on the city streets. So, I get around on foot and by using public transportation. And it’s worth mentioning right off the bat that I am new to city life. Sexual harassment is an every day occurrence for me. And one that I can’t help but notice and process. Sidebar: If you have found this and it is hard for you to understand why street harassment is not an acceptable way to interact with others, perhaps you are thinking what’s the big deal, anyways? Or, how do you even define street harassment? I encourage you to seek the wealth of both experiential and research-based information on this problematic behavior. Or, reach out to me individually. It is not my goal in this piece of writing to address this multi-faceted issue in great depth, but I hope you choose to explore it and form your own opinions. Here are my thoughts on street harassment today…. At the start of recovery from my sexual assault, everyone I passed – especially men, especially in uncrowded areas – registered as a predator to me. I was afraid of everything and everyone. It was a visceral, survival-based, gut-wrenching experience of fear. Even passing someone who looked at me, who did nothing more than witness my physical form, felt like harassment. If someone were to catcall me, or comment on my appearance, it would just about always end in panic, and usually tears. I felt no ownership over my body. I hadn’t confronted the reality of my story, my shadow, and I felt helplessly weak. At this time I was living in the suburbs… I can’t even imagine how I would have recovered my sanity if I had lived in the city then. Years of healing later, and months ago… When I first moved to the city, harassment was much more triggering for me than it is now. I was in the process of uprooting and re-grounding my life, and as I have found my roots here my sensitivity has decreased. I’d like to think this isn’t just because I’m becoming jaded, though I’m sure that plays its part. As a woman… a young woman** living in Philadelphia, there is no way to avoid street harassment. Not only are there simply more people in the city, but this kind of harassment is also culturally accepted here. And the more time you spend on foot, particularly in neighborhoods outside of the Center City District, the more you will be exposed to it. When I moved to the city this fall, I was prepared to brace myself and just ignore the calls and comments that I knew were inevitable. Easier said than done. In my case, I couldn’t help having a physical reaction to harassment – a little jump, increase in heart rate, nervous sweat… It wasn’t nearly as intense as it was years ago, but definitely jarring. I’ll just put my headphones in and listen to music instead, I thought. Then I realized how much more unsafe I felt (and was) when I was unable to hear my surroundings. So I started putting in my headphones but not playing any music. Maybe men won’t harass me if they think I can’t hear them. Wrong. Now they weren’t always talking directly to me, I just got to hear the disgusting ways they objectified my body out loud to themselves and their friends. Next, I found ways to avoid areas/times that I discovered I was more likely to be called out. This was a reasonable solution, but sometimes meant taking a cab or uber… a pricey solution to avoiding fear. (It’s worth noting here that I am not talking about avoiding actual danger, in which case, YES I would always pay for a ride and take measures to stay safe. I have never felt that I was in a truly unsafe area or situation, just unpleasant and uncomfortable). Over the past several months, I have made it a practice to confront the fear of walking alone and being the object of harassment. I confront this fear not just out of necessity to function and get around the city, but for the sake of confronting it. Today, as I walked through North Philadelphia, I noticed a real change in my experience with street harassment. I felt was fearless, but aware. I had no bodily reaction to the men who addressed me in an unwelcome and inappropriate way. I didn’t feel a noose of anxiety closing around me, or hear the voice in my head that used to tell me all the ways another person might be about to harm me. Why? Here’s what I think has shifted for me… I am in control of my body. I feel ownership over my body. It no longer feels like my body, because of its size, shape, sex, gender, race, or any other projected quality is powerless. This is a new normal. Maybe this is where becoming jaded comes in. Or maybe, it’s just learning to self-regulate in a new environment. I am able to see the good in others. I don’t see predators walking towards me down the sidewalk. I see beings capable of Truth, Love, and Kindness. I see people whom I want to know, even if only through a moment of eye contact or a smile, not people I want to run from.  I recognize that in my fear I was projecting negative assumptions on others – and while sometimes warranted, at their root these assumptions were still unfair. So today I walked past the unwelcome commentary with Fearlessness, open ears, a high head, and no waver in my stride. And with those who addressed me with Kindness, I connected through Love.       **I believe that factors such as sex, gender, age, race, appearance, etc. play into this narrative, but am not prepared to discuss their role in a educated and informed way. If anyone reading this post would like to engage in constructive conversation surrounding diversity and street harassment in a large city, I encourage you to reach out to me personally via the contact section of my site. I would welcome and appreciate an appropriate forum to explore this topic.  
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Asking for What I Need

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February 9, 2016

- BestSelf, Honesty, Intention, Practice

I am a people-pleaser, a giver, a compromiser… and these are all things that I am proud of. I give a lot to the people I care about, and I don’t like saying “no” to their needs and desires. I have heard my loved ones denied too many times to compound that negativity.   Caring for others and giving to them – out of Love – brings me the most joy. But, when it comes to asking others for what I need, I am often afraid.   I am afraid to hear “no.” I am afraid to be needy. I am afraid to be weak. I am afraid to want. Don’t get me wrong, when I have to, I stand my ground. I can be stubborn. I know how to set boundaries and stick to them. But, when I want a little thing… I am afraid it is too trivial. I am afraid to ask for it. I tell myself it is just a little thing anyways, and I try to let it go. I want so badly to always be content, that when I find myself needing/wanting something, I try and reframe and erase that desire, for the sake of contentment. Fake it ’til you make it, right? Wrong.   The thing is… Fear adds up. And it adds up quickly. For every little want or need that is suppressed, Fear increases exponentially. Sometimes (like this weekend) I find myself in the arms of my partner, starting to fall apart because I have given so much at work, socially, energetically, romantically… and haven’t asked for what I need. I am grateful that he holds me accountable and reminds me… In these moments, I am so afraid to ask for what I need, that I am already defeated. In my mind, there is no chance of getting a “yes” in response, and I just give up. Don’t Give Up. Ask. “Can you help me with ______?” “Will you stop what you are doing and talk to me?” “Can you give me some space?” “Will you be on time?” “Can you set aside time just for me?” “Will you let me know ______ ahead of time?” “Can you tell me what to expect?”   Sometimes the answer will be “no” and sometimes it will be “yes.” That’s the prerogative of whomever I am asking. It is my responsibility to communicate my needs, and not to give up before the question is even posed, just because I am afraid to ask it. For the Love of me, for the Love of my relationships with my friends, family, and coworkers – I must ask for what I need. That is why I wear this reminder on my wrist. No matter how much time I devote to the idea – Love over Fear – I still need the reminder. If you see me falter, you can remind me too. Love first.
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BestSelf, Mind, Practice, Yoga

5 things Yoga has taught me about MySelf

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November 12, 2015

- BestSelf, Mind, Practice, Yoga

In the classes I teach during the month of November, I am asking my students to focus their intentions on gratitude. Each week, we approach gratitude from a slightly different angle. This week, I ask students to identify one quality about themselves for which they feel grateful. I ask them to share and reaffirm that quality using the identifier “I am ________.” I have been so inspired by my students answers. By how they own up to their most awesome qualities. By their Self-Love, Self-Compassion, and Self-Gratitude. It got me thinking about myself and my Yoga Practice, and how the practice has made me realize some really great things about MySelf.

1. I am strong.

You would think that growing up an athlete and an academic I would have always felt strong in body and mind. Not the case. I often felt weak. Not strong enough. Not smart enough. Not resilient enough. Like I wouldn’t make it… through the day, the workout, the race, the season, the essay, the course, the school year… you name it, I doubted my strength.  Yoga gave me the time and space to realize just how strong I am, and how strong I have been to endure. There is no right answer in a yoga posture, and there is no ideal form. There is only an opportunity to test your edge physically and mentally, and gain strength in a practice that is all your own.

2. I am enough. 

See above: “Not strong enough. Not smart enough. Not resilient enough.” I get hung up on not being enough. Enough. The Yoga Sutras ask us to practice Santosa – Contentment, or as I like to think of it, Enough-ness. I am that. I am beautiful enough. talented enough. compassionate enough. funny enough. artistic enough. unique enough. thin enough. loved enough. loving enough. happy enough. independent enough. content enough.

3. I am a good listener. 

I wasn’t always. Yoga made me slow down. It made me start listening to MySelf – the breath, the body, the mood, the thoughts. One day, amidst my practice, I found myself wondering how I could have not been hearing MySelf for so long. If I hadn’t truly been hearing my own self, had I really been listening to anyone else, either? I decided to give listening a try.  I realized just how much I could learn if I listened to others. And I started listening. If you don’t already, start really listening to people when they talk (and even when they’re silent), and your world will change.

4. I am a believer. 

I am not sure what God is. I am not sure what stories are true. I just know that I believe in something, and that I began to find that something on my yoga mat. And since, I have recognized discrete divine moments throughout my life’s experiences. Grace. Divinity. Light. Love.

5. I am okay with being vulnerable.

Yoga made me willing to accept who I am. MySelf. MyBestSelf and MyNotBestSelf. Once I accepted myself, I was willing to share myself… Stories from my past. Thoughts from my present. Wishes for my future. The way I see it, my purpose is to connect to others, and I can’t do that without being vulnerable. I grow more comfortable and grounded in my own vulnerability each day.   What has your yoga practice taught you about yourself? Or, which of your qualities are you most grateful for? 
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