Healing, Intention, Loving Kindness, Mind
A Balancing Act – Forgiveness and Ego
There is a very fine balance between Forgiveness and Ego.
The fact that we view Forgiveness as something that we ‘grant’, we ‘bestow’, we ‘give’… is enough to prove how closely it is connected to Ego.
It isn’t often that I hold a grudge, but recently I found myself harboring resentment, and I realized my own Ego was the source of struggle.
Ego tells us that we are better than, that we deserve better, and that we are right. Ego never plays devil’s advocate, never tries to see the other side, and never tries to let go.
Our Ego is what prevents us from accepting an apology. It’s that voice whispering in the back of your mind that tells you someone’s apology wasn’t quite right. Maybe their apology showed that they don’t truly understand what they did to hurt you, and Ego says that’s just not good enough.
Can you blame Ego? Ego just doesn’t want us to hurt.
Forgiveness accepts hurt, lives with it, and moves on.
That’s not to say that Forgiveness is a one and done deal. You can’t just say, “I forgive you,” and step back to watch all of the resentment and hurt magically fizzle away.
Forgiveness is a conscious decision to look into the face of the one who hurt you, and see the love that is there, even especially in the moments when what they did creeps back into your heart and mind. It’s a decision to put Ego on the backburner, to step down from the idea that you deserve better.
Because at the end of the day, whomever hurt you was doing the best they could. Not only in the moment that they wronged you, but also in the moment that they tried to apologize for it. And yes, maybe their best was shitty… but in that moment, it was their best. We can’t reasonably ask anyone for more than their best.
However, the knowledge that people are doing their best in any given moment can quickly become an excuse for others. Forgiveness is not always deserved. Sometimes the other person’s best is just not good enough. Sometimes, Ego is right – you do deserve better, and you were right. You should protect yourself and move on in life without whoever caused you hurt. Ego serves a very important purpose.
All I am suggesting is that when holding a grudge, we should consider playing devil’s advocate, even if only for a moment, and teeter on that tightrope between Ego and Forgiveness. Sometimes you will find that Ego is right, and your grudge will stand. Other times, you will find it in you to put a damper on your own Ego, and make the conscious choice to continuously grant Forgiveness.
Forgiveness makes us vulnerable – and it may make us wobble – but when it is deserved, Forgiveness has the power to set things back in balance.
1 Comment
eebest8
Im thankful for the blog article. Keep writing.