Healing, Honesty, Practice
On being silenced… and then silencing mySelf
Image and poem by Rupi Kaur.
I haven’t shared any of my writing in months. Not on this blog, not even privately with my friends. The past several months have been a period of serious transition for me. Catalyzed by the end of a meaningful romantic partnership, in the past four months I have moved, and I have begun following my heart down the path of birth work as a doula. I have also *gulp* began dating again. Through all of this exciting and positive change – through which I have accessed some serious self-empowerment – I have so much to process and share, and yet I have been silent. Why? I guess I didn’t want to admit that these changes were a result of a break up. That the end of my relationship had such an impact on my productivity. And, since I am still close to my former partner, I didn’t want him to be upset by any of the topics I might write about. I know, I know… When I expressed the above reasons to him last week, he was rightfully upset. “You have been silenced and your creative power has been stifled by almost every partner you have had, I don’t want to do the same,” he said, and encouraged me to write about whatever I damn like. Leave it to this special man, who I consider one of my gurus, to hit me with some seriously honest perspective. I hadn’t even considered that through all of the change I was experiencing, I was falling into the old habit of being silenced. Only this time, I couldn’t blame a partner, or a family member, or a teacher, or society at large for silencing me… I only had myself to blame. Why had I allowed myself to be silent? To suffer without sharing? Fear. It is always fear. This post is simply to say I will be exercising my voice through writing more regularly again. To say, hey, this part of me is still here. I won’t let fear hold me back from doing what I love most – sharing and connecting to others through honesty and written word.
1 Comment
Brad Jones
Jenna bee I am thrilled for your expressing yourself once again. Dare I say I am proud of you. I admit some paternal pride.that your “guru” guided you as he did. You and he are wise beyond your years and a beacon for lost souls of whatever age. You and he gladden my heart with your cpnsciosness and inderstanding as well as your desire for more.
I have learn through experience this is the road to wisdom.
Love and blessings
Brad